Saturday, December 31, 2011 1:33 PM
Out of everyone else, why you?
Good afternoon earthlings!
I'm back to blogging, <3
The assist chalet had been a really enjoyable one, especially the confessions part, I thought that that was the part that brought all of us closer together.
Sharing our experiences with each other just proves of how strong our mutual trust is, and how safe everyone feels with each other. I'm so proud of the team! (:
Well, these few days haven't been really eventful. It seems so wasted somehow. I've been gaming so much, cause there's really nothing else to do.
I've got The Sims 3 Pets for my Christmas present! But I'm not really hooked on it as I realized that I have a dog at home already, so a virtual pet seems kind of dumb.
Just played AuditionSEA with Nerice, and then we talked about my nemesis of all time. We had so much fun. That girl, Nerice Ng, I love her so much <3
School's starting for some of us soon, team! Work hard, then play hard. We'll all party like rockstars once everything is over. Remember, although we won't be able to meet up as often, we'll still stay in each other's hearts. Everyone single one of you has impacted my life, and with all of you, I grow a little bit more.
Oh, and my voice is just annoying. Sometimes it gets husky, and sometimes it's just normal. The viral infection's not cured yet.
Still pondering over some things, I don't know who am I supposed to believe. I hope that things will get better soon!
Won't you be my scoop of ice cream?
Love,
Natalie Ishot
Sunday, December 25, 2011 5:48 PM
I wanna hold you, but you're holding someone else in your arms.
Hello earthlings.
Yesterday was the best Christmas eve ever. It was spent with the Assist Team at Kallang Leisure Park! (:
Went for lunch at Pasta Mania first before meeting the rest, I was full to the maximum.
We then went for bowling first. Hmm, I didn't join them though. But, it was pretty fun to watch them bowl. Especially Sherman, he bowls like he's going for a war. Baowen and Hafiz was there too. (:
We then celebrated Judith's birthday with an Oreo ice cream cake. Guess who had a second helping? Hmm. Me! (:
I was in seventh heaven, I swear.
After that, we went ice skating. <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="br">
I guess that this was the best part of the entire programme?
Wait, did I say programme? I meant outing.
I guess everyone fell at least once, but it was worth it as we were having a blast. And thanks to my super low socks, I suffered a painful blister on my ankle.
Judith was so cute, holding on to Hubert all the way. While me and Rachel, we just kept colliding into each other as we didn't know how to brake. Hilarious much!
The others like Derek, they just totally skated where ever and as fast as they wanted, like a boss.
And the whole team was absolutely angry with Benjamin, as he organized the ice skating plan, and ended up playing in the arcade.
So, we decided to give him a souvenir and threw a big ice ball at him. Happy Christmas Eve, Ben!
Anyway, we then played Hide And Seek in the mall after that. I was the catcher for once, and you had no idea how lost I felt inside, when you know that everyone was just running and hiding from you. But I still caught Sui Han though, haha!
We went to the food court for dinner after that, though I didn't eat anything cause I was feeling too full. A big thank you to Derek, for treating me to a drink!
Went home with the team, and pretty soon it was left with me, Amira and Derek. I just wanna say another thank you to Derek, for being so caring! (:
Reached home in a super happy mood. I'll never forget yesterday, guys. Thank you so much for everything.
My voice became husky again today, sucks much. I hope it recovers soon.
Saw someone's tweets on twitter. I wonder if she'll ever get bored of trying to get attention. Having a hangover is so not cool, hello?
Did we go too wrong to ever make it right?
Signing off,
Natalie Ishot
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 3:10 PM
Do you remember when you said that we were forever?
Good afternoon earthlings, it's Martian Natalie Ishot here.
Why Martian? Because yours truly does not know what 'Funshion' is, and does not listen to the song 'Rolling In The Deep' By Adele.
If there are any other Martians here, please let me know, so that I'll know that I'm not alone.
Anyway, today I dreamt of my ex. I dreamt of him telling me that we'll last forever, and that we'll make it through everything. I also dreamt of the time he came to my house, just to learn how to bake cookies, and the time where I stayed up till 11PM just to bake him a cake.
I didn't feel sad at all when I woke up. Instead, I just started thinking about us.
Like, whatever happened to the love that we've developed throughout the months? Whatever happened to the excitement of seeing each other, even If it was for just the briefest moment?
I spent like 10 minutes frying my brains, of trying to understand what exactly happened to us.
I always knew that you had a bad temper and a crazy, fiery attitude that came with it. Yet, when we first started, you never ever showed it to me, and you kept it all under control. But gradually, it just went out of control, to the extent where I felt afraid of you. Hmm. Despite that fact, I stayed on because I just simply loved you, and I believed that you would change.
Then along the way, you just had to fall for someone else. I totally remember the nights I spent crying on the phone, as you spilled the beans on how you fell for that girl in your class, and for how you didn't love me anymore.
It's funny how fleeting a person's feelings can be these days.
In a relationship, it takes two hands to clap. Both parties must make an effort to keep the spark between them alive, and constantly find ways to renew it.
"We just drifted apart." would never be a good enough excuse for anyone to end a relationship.
Everything happens for a reason. Drifting apart simply means not making an effort to find out about about each other's lives anymore, and not making the effort to understand each other. Like hello, you're not logs in the river that just drift everywhere so freely.
Anyway, I just wanna thank my ex for everything that has happened for the past 1 Year and 3 Months. After the break-up, I've just been feeling so angry and unhappy about it that I've totally forgotten about the sweet moments we had.
I still remember when you used to fetch me from school everyday, treat me to Seoul Garden, and spent my birthday with me at Wild Wild Wet, just because I wanted to feel what it would be like to go WWW with my boyfriend. I'm thankful for your patience with my childish nature, the Natalie whom loves playing on swings, the Natalie whom loves video games, the Natalie whom constantly needs to win an argument just to prove the smallest point.
Thank you for the break up, because I've grown more matured after that. Thank you for the break up, because I've learnt to be more independent. Thank you for the break up, because I've grown stronger.
Recently, I've heard about so many nasty things that you've said to others about me. I don't hate you for these, because i know that deep down, what you've said isn't true.
I sincerely hope that you'd change your attitude and temper, and stop lying. I hope that one day, you'll see through this break up and learn from it like I've did. Don't take anyone else for granted, and stop playing with people's feelings. You'll end up hurting yourself most, trust me.
Don't find anymore excuses. Instead, find a way to carve out your future.
Join Mindchamps or something for god's sake.
I'm feeling kind of hungry now, so I'm gonna stop blogging and eat. My Whatsapp is pestering me to look at it too.
Goodbye blog,
H.E.L.L.O to F.O.O.D!
Damn hungry now,
Natalie Ishot
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 9:51 PM
Define Happiness.
To others, happiness might be wealth, health, or any other thing that they can possess. Everyone has a different definition of happiness, and I make no exception.
Steve once asked me what my goal was, and I remembered answering,
"To have a happy family."
Relationships between my family are so straining, especially whatever that's going on between me and my dad. Everyday, we go through different obstacles, and sometimes, I just feel like giving up on ever salvaging our relationship.
That's the reason of why I wanted to have a happy family, cause, it's just so difficult to feel happy when I'm with my dad.
He can make things so difficult at times. True enough, mummy doesn't come from a family that is well to do, and her siblings aren't highly educated either. But why does he have to restrain me from seeing my cousins, just because of these reasons? I rarely get to go to my cousin's house, and by being able to sleepover at their house today, I feel true happiness already.
Daddy, can't you see that wealth does not matter when there is love?
I love my cousins so much, because honestly, they're the most caring people in my entire life. They fork out money just to buy me birthday presents, their entire family squeezes into a little old tiny car just to visit me during the new year, and when I'm sick, all of them would shower me with texts, loaded with love and wishes.
What is happiness? To me, happiness is when my cousin just shoved a tub of half eaten island creamery ice cream in front of me, and telling me to finish it up, since I loved ice cream.
Happiness is when we sit on the sofa together, planning our ice skating trip on Thursday, when none of us knew how to skate.
Happiness is when my aunty buys so many things from the market, just to make my favorite dishes.
Happiness is when my cousin decides to download MapleStory into his computer for me before I came to his house, because he knew that I was a gamer.
These simple things, they make me so happy, dad. If only you could feel the love we've shared, you'll never look down on them again. Even if they're poor, they still stand up for each other, and they're there for each other when times are hard. The love that they give each other simply knows no boundaries.
So, I'm just gonna rephrase my goal a little, and now, my goal is,
"To have a happy family like my cousins do."
And daddy, someday, I'm sure that you'll understand this. I'm sure of it!
Thanks for letting me sleepover with them anyway, it really surprised me. I love you okay, I do, no matter what I say and do.
So..
I went out with Hans today to watch Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.
Before that, we had Brunch at Burger King
I had the fish burger, he had some weird turkey burger with tea. We shared ghost stories, and it was just terribly funny to see the way he shudders when I told him mine. His imagination is just so wild, that it makes me speechless.
We also came to a point where we had nothing to do while waiting for the movie to start. So, we began stalking random people on facebook and passing silly comments.
We also Whatsapp-ed with my dearest Assist Team, haha! (:
Oh and Hans, please change the group name back to The Super Assist Team please. A- Team sounds so weird now! ):
Back to the topic.
Anyway, after watching the show, Hans couldn't stop talking about how he wanted to be Tom Cruise and do cool stunts, have cool rides, technology and all.
Imagine poor Natalie, nodding her head at whatever Mission Impossible fantasies he talks about, all the way until the bus stop.
We were supposed to eat at Udders after the movie, but he complained that he was too full.
Sad much, my ice creaaam!
He then went home to pack his stuff for his flight tomorrow, while I went to my cousin's house shortly after. (:
OH, and I'm down with viral cough. I'm not supposed to eat ice cream, but I guess just a little wouldn't hurt.
Well, I guess.
Haha! (:
I'm totally looking forward to the 24th, I miss my Assist Team so so much!
I love you guys to the max, stay cheerful always!
Love,
Natalie Ishot
Thursday, December 15, 2011 8:13 PM
Hello earthlings,
Finally, there's no more programs! But that's a sad thing. I miss everyone, the crazy dancing, and most of all, the hugs.
Especially those people whom are special to you, Their hugs are just
EU was just so different from YC, it's really hard to put this in words. We had swensens yesterday night, and I ate till I almost exploded. We also celebrated Judith's and Steve's birthday!
I slept pretty late last night, cause someone annoying fell asleep and I waited for his reply till I fell asleep too.
Anyway, I still woke up pretty early cause I couldn't sleep anymore. I wasn't feeling so well so Narisa had to walk Hazel for me. Thanks meimei!
Hmm. Settled lunch at Westmall with Narisa at MOS Burger, then fetched her to the arcade.
Dinner was at Anchor Point, I'm feeling very full now. Guess I'll skip having my ice cream today.
Had some camwhore moments with Narisa.
28th-29th December: Assist Chalet!
Love,
Natalie Ishot
Monday, December 5, 2011 9:30 AM
I don't get it.
I really don't.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a mistake to you.
Everyday, you never cease to point your fingers at me and blame me for something. You'll never, ever acknowledge me for something I did well. You'll never ever look at me genuinely and praise me.
You'll always scold me for something, you'll always shout at me, for the littlest of things.
Oh I wouldn't mind it at all if you treat everyone the same way. But what? The worst things that Narisa does, you never ever punish her. Even when I bring it up, you'll ignore me.
You like to talk about fairness, and fairness it shall be. You never bother to ask about my day, you never bother to ever ask what's wrong when I'm unhappy. All you ever do is scold me for being emotional and immatured.
Is it wrong to feel sad? Is it wrong to cry? Or am I supposed to hide it all in and laugh it away?
But then again, if I do that, you'll say that I'm too carefree to even bother about anything else.
I want to go to a polytechnic, but you never supported me. Deep inside I'll be the only person that went to a polytechnic, instead of a junior college, just like all of my successful relatives.
I just want to do something I love, is that wrong?
I just want to have something to wake up to, something to look forward to, something I feel passionate about.
Every time we meet your relatives, I'll always feel so incompetent. Like I'll never be good enough. And you'll join them in, telling me that the course that I wanna go is lousy.
Early childhood education.
Humpt.
Mindchamps is my turning point in life, where I learnt to break through everything I've went through. They taught me to be more positive.
I've seriously tried so hard to keep quiet for every time you shout or scold me for no reason. I nod my head at everything you said, I swallow my pride and I'll let you point out whatever you're unhappy with me. I try to change, I try to stop making mistakes, I try to be the perfect daughter you want.
But no matter how I try, everyday, you'll find something to shout at me for.
Even Mindchamps, I don't understand how you can even say they're making me do free labour and all that shit when all they ever do is support and comfort me. At there, I can be myself, I can do things to my fullest potential, and for mistakes that I make, I am corrected in the appropriate ways.
Not shouting and scolding all the time.
Even if it's so called 'free labour' ; it's the kind of labour I wanna do, it's where I wanna carve my future from. It's a starting point.
I miss the times you took the time to go out with me. I miss the times you were never so judgmental. I feel so pressured whenever you're around, I just wanna hide. I just wanna be alone.
Then I would be flawless.
To be honest, for the time you had to go to Japan for work, I never missed you at all. I felt so happy because no one was there to scold me, and that I didn't need to be so cautious about everything I do. Mummy was always there for me, as always, whether you scold me or not.
I felt like, with her, everything was enough. I felt good about myself, I felt so damn happy.
It scares me. To realize that I'm happy without you, you know? When before that, we used to have such a close relationship, where I could easily ask you for advice.
There's a limit to everything, and I'm afraid, I'm so afraid that one day, I'll just lose control of my suppressed emotions and scream at you.
I'm so sorry that I'm not perfect.
I'm so sorry.
Saturday, December 3, 2011 10:32 AM
Oh goodness, I've just been too lazy to update my blog!
Anyway, I've been working with MindChamps, and the experience had been awesome! (:
I love my team,
Namely Steve, Hans, Joyce, Amirah, Evelyn, Sui Han, Rachel, Clement and Shan.
They're the best, I swear.
Those kids in the programme, they really hype me up.
They're full of energy and I just can't wait to get back into the programme on Monday!
My computer is currently being fixed by my uncle, so it'd be difficult for me to play AuditionSEA.
I just bought 20K @cash, I haven't even spent it yet.
Also went to watch Hong Kong Ghost Stories yesterday, it was kind of funny cause it was dumb.
I like horror movies! (:
I miss my best friends so much. I can't meet them till after the 15th as I'll be busy.
Hang on for me guys! Then we'll go out to have so much fun.
Whatsapp-ed with the assist team till 11plus yesterday, it was really fun disturbing each other.
I'm having sore throat and fever now, I guess I'm going off to sleep!
Signing off,
Natalie Ishot
