Something's wrong.

Well, today's RJ was definitely an interesting one. I thought that I should share it with you guys. Other than that, today was a pretty normal day, filled with cam-whores with my new found clique.

Write a brief introduction of yourself based on either a talent, an ambition or a fear that you have.

‘Name me one of your fears.’ Many often answer this question with answers like insects, heights, ghosts, or death. Well, I am a girl who is barely afraid of anything. I’m not afraid of public speaking, ghosts, or any insects. For me, my greatest fear would be nothing of that sort. My greatest fear would be losing someone I love.

Losing someone you love does not necessarily mean that the person has died. It could simply be someone changing into another person that you never thought that they would change in to, or someone you love leaving you for something else. They could family members or friends.

I am a person that thinks a lot. Whenever I lose someone I love, I would get frustrated over it, and think of the many possible reasons that could have resulted in such a thing to happen. There is a saying that goes “What hurts the most was being so close.” This saying makes a lot of sense to me. I fear losing someone because there was a period of time that you really loved that person and that person mattered to you. You care for them, you worry for them, and when they make that 360 degrees change in character, you get lost. Suddenly, they feel alien, they feel cold, they feel out of reach, and you feel hurt. The more you love that person, the more hurt you feel. It is like all the memories that you have created with them suddenly turns worthless, because that person does not bother about you anymore. Understanding that person becomes a difficult job and one day, you are forced to move on without them in your life because in the first place, they have already given you up.

I am a person that values relationships a lot. When I love someone, I love them wholeheartedly. That is why I am so afraid losing them, because I know that it would hurt. I personally feel that losing someone because they have changed hurts more than losing someone because they have died. When someone changes, they still live and exist somewhere in the world. They constantly remind you of how close you once were with them and yet, you are unable to be with or salvage your relationship with them anymore. While when someone dies, they only exist in your heart, and you know that they died loving you.

I am Natalie, and my fear is losing someone that I love.




And you wanna pull her close, but your heart has froze.


Mmhmm. Yet another post about my dad, and you've guessed right earthlings, it ain't a happy one, not at all. Let's start off with yesterday.

Weili, Amira, Justin, Firman and I went for the HipHop IG Auditions. It was really fun, but the simple cheography was so difficult and tiring. No joke. We were thought HipHop and B-Boy cheographys, and then we were thrown into the middle of the studio to dance, and then..Freestyle.

You know, I thought that the Auditions were a 'you perform to the judges' thing, but instead, we were made to perform infront of EVERYONE, which meant judges, seniors, AND, everyone who came for the audition. Over maybe, 70 people? That means, that when you screw up, everyone sees. When I heard of it, I'm like,


Really, and I was the first group to go up to perform. That means, no watching and revising the moves in your head.


Yes.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

My heart almost jumped out of my throat when I went into position.

But it wasn't so bad after that, I screwed up once in awhile, heh. But during freestyle, I think, I pulled it off.

Oops, I went for the Replug audition too, on Monday. All I can say is that, it doesn't matter whether you get in or not, you give your best out there, and thats what matters.

ANYWAY,

Yesterday was also me and baby's one monthsary, and i couldn't make it for the arranged Marble Slab due to the dragging of the auditions. Gaaaah, sorry love, I love you okay!

I went home after the auditions, and being excited and all, I decided to show my family the new dance moves I learnt. I tried explaining to them and stuff, and everyone except my dad was looking.


Yep. Yea. It's cool, I'm totally fine with that.

Anyway, today's module was fun, as usual. Made me realised how important our 5 senses were.

Weili's having a fever, I hope that he'll be fine soon. He just went through a rough time, a fever's not helping.

And as usual, certain lazy people in the group, remains lazy. And let me tell you, it's irritating as fuck, and


It's totally not okay for one of your team mates to sit there and do nothing, except for going for super long breaks like they're superman, and oh no, wait, even superman doesn't take breaks. And no, it is not okay for you to munch and bite on your lollipop when I'm sitting beside you and doing a team worksheet that you did not bother to help out in. At all. The lollipop munching shit is not cool, not cool.


Yea and thanks for always flying out of the class as long as school's over, and for sleeping in class.

Your presence really really inspires the whole team to be more hardworking and it helps us to concentrate better. Thank you for knowing that.


When I came home, I immediately fell asleep. I'm just so tired, but I'm glad to hav my classmates, except for one of them. They're awesome people, and we're just gonna have so much fun together. I woke up hungry.

Dad brought a packet of Hokkien Noodles and fried doughsticks home.

Hokkien noodles are my sister's favourite, and they're my worst enemy. He probably forgot.

And I was having a sore throat, maybe he had forgotten about it too.

Mmhmm.

So, I wasn't able to eat anything.

Oh well.

And finally, I've managed to talk to one of my friends again, cheers to that, because that person, really mattered to me, and for a period of time, I was so lost when I lost our friendship.

That's all for today, till next time. (:

Love,
Natalie Ishot









Get a grip.

Hello earthlings.

I've just ended a game of LoL with Daniel, and it was the funniest game ever. Why? Because some vietnamese was talking to the bots by himself, and he came into our lane. The best part was when he said,

"I no take your port you take my port"

Port? Was he docking a ship? Oh my goodness.



Anyway, playing with Daniel always leads me to Rampage. Other than that, it's just slain slain slain. Thank you to him for being such a good teacherrrr.

And,

I was browsing through my cousin's facebook photos just recently, when I saw a picture of my late grandmother.

My heart stang.

It has been really long since she's left us, and I still remembered all the memories that she had given me. Every weekend, I'll spend the day at her house, and she'll greet me at the front door with Kopi-o sweets. They were my favourite at that point of time, and I never fail to bring back a whole packet of it, simply because she'l go down to the minimart just to buy them for me before I go home.

I remember how I loved sunny-side up eggs, and how I requested for them at different times of the day. Again, she'll cook them for me.

At the age of 60, her health deteriorated. She started blacking out, and she could no longer cook. Moments spent playing and bringing me down to the grocery store were history. She spent most of her time lying on the bed, waking up only to have her meals.

As I look back at the tiny pink bunny bolster on my bed now, tears simply welled up my eyes.

On a rainy saturday night, she took an umbrella, and went out to get that bolster for me, when she was having a fever. Just because she knew that I was moving house, and I had no bolster to sleep with. that bolster wasn't anything expensive or fancy, but throughout these years, I still sleep with it. Because it was from her, and because it was the last gift I ever recieved from her.

Shortly after, Leukemia claimed her life away. She died on October 13, a day before my birthday.

I remember playing in the living room, with doctors and nurses coming into the house. My cousins trying to distract me from the whole scene, with plastic smiles on their faces, diverting my attention by talking to me. Something was wrong.
Everyone crowded outside her bedroom, and when my cousin went to the toilet, I took the opportunity to run to her bedroom door, only to hear her pronounced as dead.

Dead.

I was so young back then, and that word rang through my mind. I saw her lying on the bed, with my cousins rushing in, holding her hands, begging her to wake up.

I remember my knees failing me, my hands clutching onto the door frame, slipping downwards.

"Where's Nat?"

I heard.

I started wailing, and making my way to her, on the floor, when I was pulled away.

They didn't let me get near, and all of them hugged and constrained me as we cried.

I called my mother, and upon hearing the news that her own mother was dead, she broke down on the phone.

I was sent home after that.

And on that year, it was the saddest birthday I ever had.

Looking through my cousin's photos, it certaintly brought a lot of flashbacks.

It made me ponder, on how one's life can be so easily taken away. I never told my grandmother that I loved her or appreciated her, I simply thought that the hugs and the goodbye kisses were enough.

And I regretted it.

Cherish your loved ones today, before it's too late.

A simple 'Thank you' or 'I love you' could really mean a lot.

Thank you grandma, those were fond memories, and those sunny-side up eggs, they were the best I've ever eaten. I love you.



Wherever you are, I hope that you're happy.

Love,
林億


Getting back on track.

Hello earthlings.

RP's been terribly interesting. Time passes by so fast in school. It's like, you look at the time, and what seems like half an hour passes, but when you look at the time, it's actually a few hours.

I love the way they give us problems to solve, it really keep us busy and no one has the time to slack. It makes us more productive, I guess. And to those lazy people,


Except for today though. We learnt programming, and we're using this software called Python2.6.5.

As cool as its name sounds, it sucks. We're made to command a freaking turtle to draw.


Seriously? It's called a python but we're using a turtle.

ANYWAY,

Baby's be fetching me from Bukit Batok these few days, soooo sweet. <3 And now, today's topic. Letting go.

Sometimes, we tend to hold onto things that hurt us. Why? It could be because of many reasons. Maybe that something means a lot to us, maybe you can't do without that something, maybe you love that something, or maybe, it's all of the above.

Don't get me wrong, at times, it's right to let go, and at times, it's not. What do I mean?

Well, effort has to be put into everything in order for it to be fruitful, just like how a student whom studies would score well for his exams. It's the same for a relationship. In a relationship, there's bound to be quarrels. You do not simply let go of a relationship just because a quarrel happened, and you decided to give it up.

That's not a relationship, that's probably infatuation.

In a real relationship, fights happen. Nothing will ever be perfect, because this is what makes a relationship real.

Letting go is when you've been hurting too much, letting go is when you've been doing so much, but nothing ever works. Letting go is when you know that you need to move on. Letting go is when you've loved someone for the longest period of time, but they never love you back.

Just like how a student who studies so hard, but yet, fails his exams. He was probably taking the wrong approach to studying, and hence, he failed.

Letting go may not be necessarily a bad thing.


Auditions are on Monday and Tuesday! I'm sort of excited and nervous.

I love school. At least, for now.

AND, this song is stuck in my head. It's been replaying and replaying and replaying at the back of my mind.



And with that, I'm signing off.

Love,
Natalie Ishot




You never fail to spoil my fucking day.

Take your frustrations and anger somewhere else. It's not needed here.

I can't even have a proper conversation with you when all you do when you come home is shout like fuck.

And I'm so sorry for over using the word 'fuck' because that's how I feel now.

Fucked up.


Hello earthlings! (:

Baby fetched me from schoooool! *Finger Heart* <3.

Anyway,

TODAY'S TOPIC.

Imperfections.

Face it. We all have flaws, and neither one of us is perfect, and never will we be.



Well, I think that it's our flaws that defines whom we really are, and they're what makes us special. I mean like, wouldn't everyone be boring and all, if we're all good little angels that never make mistakes?

It's okay to screw up once in awhile. Pick yourself up, learn from it, then look back, and laugh at it.

It's normal for people to dislike certain things about you. It could be your attitude, or the things you do. And I repeat, it's absolutely normal. You can't live to please everyone, you don't live, to please everyone.

For example, if you're confident, you're confident. Don't hide or take away that confidence, simply because someone labelled you as arrogant.

Point taken, sometimes, you really do need to change that aspect of yours if it's making everyone hate you. Now, THAT's not normal. But what I'm trying to say is, you are what you are. And you shouldn't change yourself just because someone said so. Change yourself, only if it's for the better.

Imperfections. Even your bestfriends have it. There's definitely something you do not like about your friends, or your bestfriends. But remember, that whatever it is, it makes them human.



And from here, I'm gonna link the topic to relationships.

Relationships are real when people solve problems together, and take time to understand one another better. And I'm not talking about only BGRs, I'm also talking about friendships. Why would I say so?

BECAUSE, in a relationship, you're helping one another to become a better person, simply because you care for them. I mean like, come on. It's like your parents scolding you for something you did wrong. They did it cause they cared for you, and didn't want you to repeat the same mistakes.

Real relationships consist of talking about each other's flaws/mistakes. If that person didn't matter to you, you probably wouldn't even care about highlighting their mistakes to them, you would simply walk away in disgust. True? It's like,

"Why should I even bother about you, when you're irrelevant to my life."

VS

"Hey. You matter to me. And whatever you're doing now honestly hurts people/makes people dislike you, and I don't want that to happen. Because I care."



You get what I'm trying to put across?

If someone you care about and love is making mistakes repeatedly, do not be afraid to tell them. By telling them, you'll be helping them to realise their mistakes, and grow. From there onwards, he/she would become a better person, and it'd be beneficial to them, and the relationship you guys have.



(:

And with that, I shall end my post with this picture.



Goodbye!

Love,
Natalie Ishot




It's inside that makes you beautiful.

Hello earthlings! (:

Let's start off with yesterday, shall we?

I woke up to have breakfast with my family. And I think that I deserve an award for that, because I rarely have the energy to do so. In addition, friday night was cr-cr-cr crazyyyyyy.

RP's 3rd day of orientaton turned out to be goddamn fun, and when I say fun, I mean fun.

Anyway, back to topic. I was woken up for breakfast, and when I saw the timing on the clock, I was like,



It's soooo early! I almost went back to sleep, but after thinking about it, I went with the flow, and well, breakfast, here we go. Haven't been eating breakfast with my family, so a little sacrifice of sleep wouldn't hurt.



I guess.

Breakfast was eaten at a coffeeshop,



And yes, this is the me that hasn't washed up. I could only muster up enough energy to wash my face, brush my teeth, and to change my clothes. (': Oh. And taking this picture.

The rest of the day was spent playing LoL, and sleeping. Not productive. At all.

I took some picturessssssss, of myself. And then it struck me.

Of how easy it was for one to smile at a camera, but not do it often during life itself. Life's just so full of obstacles, and sometimes they knock you down. Very often, we give in to our problems, and we let them tear us down.

But hey, you know what?

Through those shit you're gonna go through, there's friends out there for you, theres your family out there for you. No matter what, and no matter when, someone, will be there for you. Whenever life knocks you down, remember, that you're still living, and the simplest thing like your presence, makes someone happy. Someone out there cares for you, and someone out there loves you to bits! And for those little things, you've got a reason to smile, and point a middle finger to your problems.

"EAT THAT, B*TCH!"

Okay, you don't really need to give the finger, but you get what I'm saying.

So..





SMILE.

I miss boyfriend. (':

And time flies so fast when I'm with him. I mean like, oh my god, the 24th is in 9 days time.

24.03.12 ; <3

Love,
Natalie Ishot


The best memories come from the craziest ideas.

And 3, 2, 1.

Hello Earthlings, it's time to update this bloggg.

FOP started yesterday in Republic Poly, and I have to say, that it was a complete bore. The games were pretty meaningless. We spent half the day walking around the school, trying to gain points for god knows what.

I've been reporting to school at 9AM for 2 days in a row, and I feel really sleepy. I don't feel tired after 6PM, and it takes a lot of discipline for me to be able to sleep at 11PM. That means, plenty of tossing and turning on bed. To add on, I have to wake up at 5AM, and it's really taking a toll on me.



I feel all irritated and cranky whenever I have to wake up early. It's like the whole world has upset me, and climbing out of bed simply feels like climbing up Mt. Everest.

Kill me please.

Anyway, I met Amira for breakfast this morning. We had Mac @ Causeway Point. Felt too full to eat lunch after that.

Today was better than yesterday though, cause we were made to do cheers and well, I've doing so many cheers it seems like programmes. Somehow.

AND GUESS WHAT.

RP HAS A YOGHURT STORE.

AND GUESS WHOSE GONNA EAT YOGHURT EVERYDAY?

Hell yeah, me.

I love yoghurt, it's second to ice cream.

Speaking about food.

I'm supposed to be on a diet. And it struck me. On how every girl wants to diet, but end up screwing up their diet plan. It's like,

"I'm not gonn eat, I'm not gonna eat, I'm not gonna eat."

*Sees food*

"Oh nevermind, I'll exercise it off later."

But it never happens.

I love food, I seriously do. And THAT, makes it a bigger challenge for me. I'm a sucker for junk food. Seriously.



And after I realise what I'm eating, I'm like



Need to cut down on carbs. Must cut down on carbs.

Baby's been fetching me home for these two days, although I've told him not to cause it's waste of transport fare. But he still does anyway. Thanks baby! <3.

The next thing I wanna talk about, pretty much comes from a status I posted a few days ago.

It goes like this.

I hate it when someone gets a boyfriend/girlfriend, and then they start neglecting their friends. I mean like, there's a balance for both, right?

When this happens, all I can say is,

Shit.

Say what?

Yea. Shit.

I simply hate how the neglecting starts.

Your friend stops hanging out with you, stops making time for you, and stops talking to you. Everything they do is revolved around the girl or guy they're with or they like. And even when they talk to you, it's about that person.

Oh bitch please,

I just wanna have a proper conversation with you, I just want some quality friend time.

I mean like, it's okay to bring them up every once in awhile, but if you're gonna report everything they do, or how they make you swoon, or whatever shiz it is about them 24/7 to me,



I don't wanna hear about it, get a diary, and record whatever it is down instead.

I thought I was important to you yea.

But now it seems like you only come to me when you need advice or help.

I'm tired of it, and I want our frienship back.

Sigh.

But no matter the outcome, at least I know where I stand in your heart now.

Gonna turn in earlier today and get more rest for tomorrow.

I have a feeing that tomorrow's gonna be an awesome day.

I want tomorrow to be an awesome day.

Hi Tomorrow, I can't wait for you to come.

Love,
Natalie Ishot







What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Good morning earthlings! It's 12:18AM in the morning and here's my promised post.

Well, let's start of with my last day of work, the 6th of April.

I had guitar lessons in the afternoon as usual, and yes, I realllyyyyy enjoyed it! I probably enjoyed it cause of my teacher, Michael though. Unfortunately, Sunday was my last lesson with him as he was retiring. (':



I'll never forget him, cause he's truly an inspiration. So.. Bye Mr Michaelllll, I'll miss you a lot lot! Some fillipino guy is gonna take over his class. I hope he's good. Or I'll be wasting my time in classes by then.

Proceeded on to the Crepe shop after lessons, it wasn't really busy, but I still enjoyed my time over there. Best thing was, baby boy came over during the evening just to find meeeee. Gave him a Marshmellow and Chocolate crepe, he says that it's nice, but I find it too sweet. Tsk.

Oh well, did closing with Isabelle, I'm really gonna miss everyone that I've worked with for the past 3 months. Although the period of time we've worked together was relatively short, I still bonded with everyone, and all of them gave me different memories to remember.

Next up, would be the 7th of April, USS day with the A-Team! (:

Met Derek and Baby first at Jurong East MRT. Amira was supposed to meet us too, but she had a change of plans at the last minute. And no I did not enjoy my long MRT ride to harbourfront as all Baby and derek talked about was skating and riding. (':

I was literally like,



Simply because i didn't know what they were talking about.

Fml, (':

BUT ANYWAY, met up with the others at Vivo city, it feels great to have the whole team back together again <3.

We had breakfast at LJS, and it wasn't an enjoyable one as well, LJS's breakfast suckssssssssssss. And it was really stuffy.

We walked to USS. It made me even hotter.



No sun, you do not make me happy.

Anyway, USS was loads of fun, there's just too much to elaborate on, so I'm gonna be lazy and cut it short, heh.

I LOVE CYLON.

Period.

And my boyfriend.



Double period.

Derek left halfway through the trip though.

I was kinda disappointed when I found out his reason for leaving.

I mean like, relationships, they're formed because two people understood and loved each other. Theres no such thing as seeing each other everyday, just to make one happy.

If one keeps giving in to another's unnecessary needs, all of it would just be taken granted for.

Friends are friends, relationships are relationships. Equal amount of time has to be allocated to both of them. I'm not saying that it's wrong to be with someone all the time, I'm saying that it's a must to understand that there's a balance for everything.



Andddd, moving on, we celebrated Gloria's birthday at Banquet. LOL. Most of us ate Fish and chips are they were the only stuff available at 10 in the night. There was chocolate cake too, heh. Happy birthday Gloria <3.

Finally, there's today.

I felt like a celebrity as I took an OP class with Young Champion participants inside. Apparently, they were fan girls of mine and they started bombarding me with loads of questions about me and Hans. One of them wanted to take my photo. So I did what I could only do.

I took her phone and personally took a piture of myself. :>

They're so creepy and cute at the same time, I can't decide which.

Gave all of them hugs before they went back.

I personally love hugs.



They make you feel soooo loved. Do you?

It's currently 1AM in the morning, and I'm going to off my lappy and text my babyboyyyyyyyy. Shall end of here, and blog soon. When I'm not lazy. I hope.

Heads up,



I love you.

Love,
Natalie Ishot




Faith.

I'm supposed to blog about today and yesterday, but I'm too lazzzzzzy. :>

So I'll do it tomorrow.

Oh by the way,

I love my boyfriend.

Love,
Natalie Ishot




If you're love someone and you know it... Well, prove it.



Well, that's what my mood is now. Down. My mood's being a bitch now, not helping, not helping at all.

Okay so here's the thing. Just a few days ago, I bought a currypuff home for my dad after work, knowing that he loves currypuffs. He didn't even take a look at it and he said that he didn't want it. Okay fine.

So just yesterday, I went to J.Co to get donuts for my family, and keeping in mind that he likes almonds, I bought two almond ones for him. I woke up this morning to see that the donuts were only eaten by my mum and my sis. I went for work, came home, opened the donut box, and yeap. Not surprised to see two cold almond donuts staring straight and me, screaming, "HAHA HE DIDN'T EAT US.".

I don't understand. I mean like, if you're not apreciative of what I do then fine. Tell me. Can? Then I don't need to waste my time thinking of you and all when you clearly don't give a shit. You don't even say thank you, you act like the donuts were never there. And here I am, looking so stupid now, feeling hurt and all just cause a father never ate his daughter's J.Co donuts.



Like please, you even said that my crepes tasted like shit. Ya k fine okay can whatever you like okay? Imma just swallow it up and keep it in. While Narisa makes cookies for the first time and gosh, they're absolutely delicious right? So I make cookies for the first time and well, okay. Actually, you don't even bother to try them. Nevermind.

I guess, the only thing that made my night beter was knowing that Boyfriend's coming to USS. I'd be jumping for joy, if not for the fact that, well, I don't want to give a shit about it anymore, or I'll feel even crappier.



Love,
Natalie Ishot




BEDHEAD

The one that got away.

Okay, I'm heading out real soooon so this is gonna be a very short post. I promise to do a good post soon aye! (:

Anyway, last night, I dreamt that my mum was driving me to school, when in reality, she doesn't know how to drive. I'll probably be dead if she ever drives.

I'm going out with Preloved today! Then I'll be doing OP with Amira, Benjamin and boyfrienddddddddddd. :>

But before that, its lunch time with mummy and Narisa, my crazy little sister.

Until then, earthlings! (:

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Natalie Ishot
14.10.95
RP's NEW MEDIA
Attached to Hans Christian Leonardi on 24.03.12
One little lie of yours,
Crashed my entire world.

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