Ishot's

Thursday, June 28, 2012 11:23 PM

And do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Good evening beautifuls. (:

It's 10:30PM now, and I'm so sorry to make you go through that frustrated rant that I posted yesterday! Blogging always seem to make me feel better, so I don't hesitate to write out my thoughts whenever I have them. And I just feel so mch better when I go through other people's blogs, because at times, I can relate to how they feel and from there, I know that I am not alone. Soooo, I hope that you guys would benefit from whatever I write too! (:

Anyway, I am currently having severe gastric pains, and I had been camping in the toilet for roughly an hour before this post. Those pains gave me an inspiration to blog, and so, here I am.

Well, gastric does not come naturally. It often occurs when one does not take meals regularly, and of course, I am guilty of that. But that wasn't the main reason of why I had gastric.

I'd like to share with you guys a part of my life today. It might make you a little queasy, so read with caution aye?

I used to be Bulimic.

For those of you that have not came across this term before, it is an emotional disorder in which bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression and self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting.

To put it in english, you wish to become thin, and you either puke your food out, or starve yourself to achieve that goal.

Standing at 1.45metres, I used to be 60kg when I was 12. I was overweight, and I was pretty much unbothered by it.

Well, until someone I really loved critisized and hurt me because of it.

I started feeling miserable, and I would look at the mirror everyday, and point out every one of my flaws. Pretty soon, I was driven by the desire to become thin, but I knew that it was not going to be easy.

I love food. Really. I love super fat stuff like ice cream and cakes, and the problem was,

How the heck am I supposed to enjoy my food without getting fat?

I've read articles on people with Anorexia and Bulimia before, and that was when it struck me. I could simply vomit out whatever I had eaten, and I wouldn't get fat then. As much as those magazines were printed to warn us about such conditions, but at that period of time, they just became a fantastic idea that would definitely work on me. I thought that it was controllable, and I could simply stop it whenever I wanted to.

I was wrong.

I started doing what I wanted to do, vomitting out whatever food that I had consumed. Even simple snacks like potato chips, I'd vomit them out immediately after I consumed them as I felt guilty about eating so much.

It wasn't an easy process. It was never an easy process.

Forcing down two fingers into your throat, you irritate your uvulva, the fleshy extension at the back of the soft palate that hangs above the throat.

You'd puke instantly.

And trust me, the feeling of your food with the stomach acid that comes along with it running up your throat, is probably the most revolting feeling on earth.

Oh and did you know, that in the long-term, bulimia could cause stomach rupture or internal bleeding, which instantly leads to death?

But anyway. This went on for a few months, and I dropped to a 45kg in 2007.

After that, I started to get tired easily, and headaches were frequent. My stomach started hurting terribly, and even after eating a small meal, I still felt like vomitting. It was not within my control. That was when I decided to see a doctor.

I was diagnosed with peptic ulcer.

What's that?

It's when the stomach contains too much acid, and it damages the inner lining of your stomach wall, causing a burning sensation in your chest, or your abdomen.

And seriously, when it hurts, it really hurts.

I woke up after that visit, and with much persuasion from my friends. It took me a lot of time to realise that I live for myself, and that everyone is not perfect.

I had a big price to pay though. Although I no longer suffer from Bulimia, I still suffer from hyperacidity and acid reflux. The pain still comes and go, and it's a constant reminder to never make the same mistake again.

In this society, all that matters to people now is being accepted. Whenever someone critisizes you, you change for them. Even without thinking.

What people do not see is that, it is our imperfections that make us unique. It is our lives that we lead, and we are in full control of it.

Girls these days, they're losing weight to attract the boys they like, while the guys, some of them probably feel the need to gym and gym and gym their asses off to get those attractive abs.

I'm not saying that this is not acceptable, while in fact, it is pretty normal to feel that way.

It's just not alright to take it to the extreme, to a point where you will end up hurting yourself.

Love yourself people.

With that, I'd like to end off this topic, and simply share a little about yesterday. (:

.................

I WORE A BLOUSE TO SCHOOL.

For the first time of my entire life.

No, I am not.

Okay.

And I watched Sadako with my boyfriend.

I.Was.Afraid.

And this is shocking, because I rarely get frightened by horror movies.

Maybe, I've been watching too many english-based horror movies, and this japanese shit caught me off guard.

Whatever it is, I think it's worth watching, there's a lot of shocking scenes and suspense, but do not expect much for the ending as it was pretty disappointing.

Boyfriend's going to USS tomorrow, I hope that he'll enjoy himself there! (:

And that's all for today!

Sleep tight people!

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Wednesday, June 27, 2012 11:10 PM

Sick of these problems.

It's 11PM and I'm stuck at the barbeque pit under my condo.

And I feel like screwing the world upside down now because I just feel so upset.

Here I am, with my laptop and my bag, and I'm locked out of my house.

The best thing is, my sister is home. But she chose not to open the fucking door for me because she's 'asleep'. Oh yeah. Right. You can sleep when I rang the doorbell like a thousand times, with both of our dogs barking like mad at you to open the door.

And my damn caring dad even called me to stay outside from the bloody door because I'll make the dogs bark, and wake Narisa up.

Okay, fine.

I'll fucking stay outside then.

So here I am, sitting at a staircase near the minimart, blogging furiously on my laptop, with the usual rowdy teenagers that come here to go for a midnight swim.

It's times like this I just wanna scream my heart out as the situation is just so damn ridiculous.

I'm always doing my best to please them all, and dad, if you haven't noticed, I've been reaching out for your attention, but I'm just so sad to say that I've failed miserably. I know, I'm always ranting that I'm tired of you and stuff, but I just don't wanna give up, you know?

But it really seems like whatever I do, she's just gonna be way better than me.

Seriously.

Shit.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012 5:56 PM

Don't let anyone define you.

Hello readers! (:

It's time for an update, and right. I declare today as 'No School Day'. Simply because, we were supposed to take part in some high elements course, and me no have track pants, me no like the thought of perspiring under the hot sun.

I mean like, Singpore's weather is contantly telling me,

Yes. I do constantly squeal about how warm the weather is. Especially when I have to walk back to the MRT from school.

Well, I hope that my classmates that actually went to school today had a lot of fun!

So, what did I do when I did not attend school?

Let's just say, I met boyfriend @ Macdonalds', and trust me, I'm in an really annoying mood today.

I think I got him a little irritated because at times, he tried to say something serious, but I turned his words around and made them sound silly. What happens next is that I get tickled like crazy by this boy that keeps jabbing my ribs. And the whole Macdonalds can hear my muffled screams. And kiss my ass. Cause I've got a big breakfast and you can't chase me away. *Waves finger* No no no.

I doubt that I can ever escape his tickles, they're just deadly. And have you ever heard of this?

Being tickled is like being raped. Except that you're forced to laugh.

So inhumane!

About being annoying, for me, I feel that it's pretty difficult for me to annoy someone that I'm not close to. It's like a comfort zone thing. When you can annoy someone without feeling afraid of pissing that person off, that person's just really special to you. I annoy my bestfriends like crazy, and it's needless to talk about my boyfriend.

While when I'm with people that I dislike or am not close to, I tend to be very quiet and polite. I'm not saying that I'm not polite all the time, but,

But anyway, it was a lot of fun simply slacking at Macs. (:

And doing my favourite hobby.

CAMWHORE.

I'm just gonna show you one though, it's the best and most meaningful one. (:

That's all for today. (:

Love,
Natalie Lim

Friday, June 22, 2012 10:26 AM

I'm so so so in love.

Good Morning World. (:

It's time for a proper update, yes?

Today, I woke up at approximately 2AM, and I woke up thinking of him. It was pretty hard for me to go back to sleep after that, as I started thinking of how we first met in programmes.

That really cheeky grin he had when we first talked, that awkwardness of eating dinner together, that 'Pretend that I don't know that we're sitting next to each other' moment, and that empty feeling that I felt as the day ended.

And of course, talking about him at the very moment that I went into the car.

Mummy, there's this guy, he's called Hans, and his full name is Hans Christian Leonardi. Plus, he's laughter is damn annoying.

And two years down the road, we're together. (:

We went through a lot before that, but it was all worth it.

He made me realise that Butterflies in the stomach actually do exist.

I know that I sound really love sick and all right now, but that's only because I am reallyyy in love.

Gomenasai.

But baby,

(:

I mean like, forgive me, but today's module is programming afterall, and I hate programming.

What's better than starting a day with a blogpost full of love?

But then again,

And here I go again.

Natalie, you love sick idiot.

I'm just really glad to have him.

Relationships do have their ups and downs, and I would be lying if I said that ours is always at it's highest, but hey,

Mmhmm, Maroon 5 <3 And Babyboy <3 And me feeling fuzzy all inside.

Our 3rd month is coming this Sunday, and I absolutely cannot wait for me.

I can only ask my readers to pardon me on my cheesi-ness, it must be painful for you guys to read.

But oh well.

Boyfriend, I know that I can be really annoying at times,

You: I'm serious.

Me: No, you're Hans.

And I roll my eyes like a professional.

No shit!

I do the craziest things, I laugh like a hyena,

and sacarsm is definitely my bestfriend.

So which one are you?

But really,

And you're the one.

I love you.

And my readers, for suriving this post.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It's programming today,
and I really hate it so Im not going to even bother to find a word for this shit to rhyme.

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Tuesday, June 19, 2012 11:49 AM

We're stronger than anything.

Good morning world. (:

And yes, that's my babyboy right there. I'm just so in love with this picture cause he looks damn cute in it.

I haven't been blogging lately because I couldn't find the time to, so I've been feeling guilty about it. Sorry guys!

Anyway, programmes are a blast. And there are some participants that I doubt I can ever forget.

Which kinda reminds me of how some people can simply throw away someone that they used to be closed to after being away from them for a period of time. It's alright if something actually happened between them to cause them to drift apart, but it's not okay if nothing happened at all, and one simply leaves the other hanging.

It's like, leaving your bestfriend for a moment, and coming back to see your bestfriend calling someone else their bestfriend.

I mean like, how can you forget so much, in such a little amount of time? Those moments where you go to sleep with a smile, wake up thinking of the previous day, the kind that makes you go all fuzzy inside.

It's just impossible.

Good relationships are hard to come by these days. When you do come across one, cherish it.

Anddddd, it's time to go back to preparation for presentation.

Then, the second last day of programmes!

Goodbye guys!

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Thursday, June 14, 2012 1:18 PM

Another short update.

Today's Art Of Story problem would be rewriting one of a fairytale, from the villian's point of view.

For those that either have not heard of Rapunzel, or has forgotten the story line, this is the LINK to the original story.

Our team had chosen Rapunzel, and the following story that you are about to read is done by meeeee. It's going to spoil whatever happy endings you've read or heard about Rapunzel, but anyway,

Enjoy. (:

Rapunzel from the Witch’s point of view

I was once the King’s first love. We met at a festival, where the King had asked me, a commoner to dance with him. It was love at first sight. After that day, the King took great lengths to visit me, as the royalty were not allowed to mingle with the commoners. Soon after, I was impregnated with the King’s child. I thought that since I had his child, I would be able to marry him, the love of my life, and live blissfully.

I was wrong.

When I told the King that I was bearing his child, and that we could finally get married, he flew into a state of panic. He mentioned things about his people looking down on him, his reputation being ruined, and as much as he loved me, he would never marry me.

“I’m sorry, but we must never see each other again.” The king looked at me solemnly and said.

He then left for the door, with me in a state of shock. I was heartbroken. I fell into depression, and I spent months being swallowed by my despair. At times, I would cradle my stomach, and think of the King. I wonder about how he could be so heartless to abandon me and his child, when he claimed to have loved me.

Soon, winter came. I was on the way to buy some firewood to keep my house warm, when I accidentally slipped and fell. As I tried to recover from my fall by sitting up straight, I saw the snow in between my legs slowly turn into a patch of crimson red. My mind was in a state of frenzy as I feared that I had lost my child.

A few days past, and I could no longer feel anymore kicks from my stomach. My fear of losing my child was confirmed when I went to the toilet, only to feel something slip out of me. When I looked at the toilet, there was something inside.

It was my baby.

I could still remember staring at the unmoving foetus floating on top of the water, and the wails that I made as reality finally dawned on me. I had lost my baby. Engulfed with pain, memories of the King and I flooded my mind. He caused all of these. If he did not abandon me, I would not have lost my baby. Pain soon turned into anger, and it was then where I decided to run away into the heart of the forest, and plot my revenge against the King that has hurt me so deeply.

Years past, and in time, I had grown the most beautiful plants of all in my garden, called the Rampions, in hope to lure someone into my plan of revenge against the King. The King had also found someone of high royalty, and she had born a son for him. It was on one fine evening when I spotted a man climb down the walls of my garden.

“How dare you descend into my garden?” I asked him.

The man then explained that his wife, whom was expectant, wanted my Rampions as if she did not have them, she would die. He was perfect for my plan. I then made a deal with him to exchange his new born child for an unlimited supply of Rampions for his wife. In fear, he agreed.
Soon after, his child was born. I took the baby girl, and locked her up in my tower. She was named after the Rampions, and her name was Rapunzel. As the years flew by, she grew beautifully and I made sure that her blond hair was never cut. I taught her how to sew and sing, and she learnt well. She was perfect for my plan.

On the day that the annual hunting season began, I knew that the King would definitely ask the now 18-year-old prince to come into the forest to hunt, and from there, the prince would be enchanted by Rapunzel’s sweet voice. It was during the afternoon when I spotted the prince observing me from a bush that I so cleverly planted just at the door of my garden. I carried out my plan by chanting “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair” and climbed my way up the tower. I then left excitedly after telling Rapunzel that I would be going out to collect food, as I knew that the Prince would try to climb up the tower to see who was singing so beautifully. True enough, the prince learnt my chant, and climbed up Rapunzel’s hair. Charmed by her beauty, he made plans to come the day after to rescue her from me and marry her. I returned home that night, and pretended that I knew nothing of the Prince’s visit.

The day soon came, and that naïve Rapunzel told me of the Prince’s visit. I immediately cut her long hair, and banished her into a desert where no one would ever be able to find her.

A few hours past, and the prince came. I let down the remaining of Rapunzel’s hair for him to climb up the tower. When he reached the top, I could see the terror in his eyes as he saw me. I told him that I had killed Rapunzel, and before I could push him down the tower, he had jumped to his death in despair. I looked out of the tower, and at the bottom, I saw the prince’s twitching body, with his eyes being pierced by the thorns at the bottom of the tower.

With a beam on my face, I thought to myself, “If the King does not see the pain that I have suffered because of him, then, his son would suffer the pain of being unable to see as well.”

Revenge, is indeed sweet.

The End

I want you here, now.

Good morning earthlings. (:

So yesterday, I made boyfriend upset. I'm not going to go into details about what happened, but I sure felt lousy as hell. After programmes, as we went home, my heart felt really heavy.

I gripped your hand extra tight, with a voice in my head screaming "I love you."

As we sat in the cab, side by side, boyfriend started talking to me really gently. As much as he tried to sound okay and all, I knew that he was hurt. All I could do was lean against his shoulder, and hope that I could take his pain all away. I couldn't speak much, except for a little nods here and there, as my tears threatened to flow down my cheeks.

He sent me home, as always. We sat on the stairs for a litte while, and we had a heart to heart talk. All the while, he didn't say a word, and all he did was just listen. When all that I needed to say was said, he then hugged me and told me,

"Everyone makes mistakes. Love is not about finding the perfect person, but knowing their imperfections, and loving them anyway."

I'll never, ever, forget what he said.

And then, it dawned on me, of how this relationship was just so special.

Of how we decided to talk our problems out, instead of quarrelling.

Of how I chose to apologize, instead of throwing a tantrum and causihng a huge mess.

It takes a lot of humility for two people to sit down, and wholeheartedly talk about what's wrong between both of them.

It was the first obstacle that we have faced, and in the future, there would definitely be some more.

But, all I know is that, everything's gonna be fine. Because we're gonna go through everything together.

I love you Hans. I really really do. And I really appreciate the heart to heart talk that we had. And I just want you to know, that I'll never let you go.

A relationship will always have obstacles. It's either you find a way to talk it out, run away from it, or simply decide to yell at each other and blame each other for it. And every individual way would decide on how your relationship would turn out in the end.

And I feel extra happy today, because I woke up feeling so loveddd. (:

Whenever we say goodbye, I wish that we had one more kiss.

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Tuesday, June 12, 2012 7:30 PM

Programmes!

But I'm having a runny noseeeee. (':

But programmes matter more than anything.

So I'll just have to bear with it.

Today's UT was good, I guess.

Will have a proper update soon!

Oh and by the way, Sherman's being a bitch. Don't even know where my shoe is nowwww.

Bye people! <3

Love,
Natalie Ishot

Monday, June 11, 2012 1:30 AM

Tonight, I cry alone.

I feel terrible. Really.

So here I am, all 17 years old, and still whining and ranting like a problematic kid.

You know, I'm always talking about how it hurts when you lose a friend or a BGR relationship. But there's just one more thing that hurts more than anything else. And that's when you know that your relationship with your family is more superficial than anything else.

So just today, I'm down with a really bad flu, and my dad wanted to catch a movie. Since it was a Sunday, I decided to go along with it as Sunday's a family day. Something cropped up and bam, we could only go home at 11PM. As I was feeling really tired, and there's programmes for the next few days, I asked if I could get a home a little earlier to catch some sleep. I was ignored. And the most hurtful shit ever came from my sister, and she went,

"It doesn't matter anyway, since you always sleep late."

Hello? That's not even the point. I'm not trying to wallow myself into self-pity or anything, but I'm sick. And through these months, I've been trying to turn in early and all, because I'm dead tired. I'd love to have more sleep if I could ever get to do so. In addition, I've been having programmes, I've been coming home late. It hurts to think of how selfish that sentence sounded, as though I'm that self-centered. If I could, I would love to spend time outside with you guys. But my UTs are just right on Tuesday, I can't afford to fall sick. It seriously disgusts me on how selfish you can be, when all I've ever done was to jump right up to your defence whenever you get yourself into trouble, and help you clear up all the misunderstandings if you ever land yourself into one.

Do you remember of how you were being cybered bullied? Your friends called you a fucking flirt and they said that you suck dicks. What did I do? I landed myself into a whole lot of shit, got mocked by your bloody school friends whom I don't even know, just to defend you from those idiots whom I'd scold the shit out of if they ever, ever, spoke ill of you again. Do you remember of how you copied another blogshop's idea by selling their items at a lower price, and you got flamed for doing so? What did I do? I went against my own principles, helped you out, and yea. There's just so many instances where I had to always cover up for you, clean up your mess, and this is what I get. Mmhmm. It doesn't matter of whether I'm sick or not, I'm just a selfish bitch that wants to go home for nothing and sleep late anyway.

Fine.

Then there came the most ridiculous arguement of all, one that starts with a delayed registered postage. On the day that the postage was supposed to come, you guys went out and missed it. Nevermind, it's okay. All I have to do is make arrangements for it to be delivered. So I check. Is anything on for Monday? Is everyone free? is someone gonna be home?

Okay, clear. All set on Monday then.

Then what?

Suddenly I hear of last minute plans that I've never heard of, and there's no one home to collect the mail. All I requested for was for my mum to help me collect it, since she was having an off day, or the mail would be sent back to the post office, and we'd have to collect it by ourselves. Then what's the purpose of paying extra for the registered mail anyway?

Guess what?

My mum proceeds to accuse me of not checking things carefully before making arrangements, when I sure as hell did. And then she continues to tell me that I'm being selfish and all, when all I ever did was to plan my stuff carefully, and make sure that everthing goes well.

Yeah, you can bet that my mum was real mad.

For what?

Oh for me being a selfish bitch. Again.

And yes, you can bet that I'm really upset now because she could barely give a damn about my things and she rejected to help me.

Reason being, she wanted to wait for my sister to finish her tuition?

Really, just great.

Narisa has went to tuition like a thousand times without you before, and you wait for her tuition to finish almost every week. All you do is sit there, read some magazines, and pass time. All I'm asking of you, is to stay home just for that litle while, and you ignore my pleas and say that I do not know how to think.

I think really clearly, mum. And if you could just remember, of how I do sacrifice my outings with friends, just to stay home and collect weird hampers for you guys, or wait for the technician to come, or whatever stuff that needs to be done, I gladly sacriice my personal time for you guys. I don't even complain.

And when I turn to my dad for help he gives me the cold shoulder.

Oh, why am I surprised again?

There's so many times when we have small quarrels, and I know that you guys are simply being unreasonable and all, but I choose to swallow my pride and keep quiet, just cause I know you guys are tired from work, but how long do I need to keep choking on my problems, and acting like I just don't care? They're just gonna build up and boom, I'll explode, and like tonight, I'll end up getting into my room, shutting the goddamn door, and screaming my lungs out into the pillow, and blogging so furiously that my laptop may die.

Stop acting like there's nothing wrong when something clearly isn't right. These small little things that we cover up, will very much be uncovered.

I hate it.

I hate how I'm always trying so hard for nothing.

And you guys don't see what I do, all you guys ever see if the tiny little screw ups I do, and you guys pratically kill me with super sonic scoldings for them. I'm tired, I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again, I'm tired.

And just to let you guys know, I doubt staying at home and doing your own things is counted as family day. Hopes for something to happen on Sundays are long gone, and if you really love to compare me with other teenagers, go ahead. Please go and do a survey on how many teenagers really stay home to keep their families company these days. Go on.

Since they're so damn damn perfect.

I'm not a barbie, and I never will be one.

Lots and lots and lots of love,
Natalie Lim

Sunday, June 10, 2012 2:29 PM

Let's do something crazy.

Face it guys, we all judge people.

And whether we like it or not, people judge us too.

Judging's like this vicious cycle that happens on a daily basis.

Someone wearing a long skirt and tucked in blouse walks into the classroom,

Nerd."

A girl having many guyfriends,

"Flirt."

A guy having many girlfriends,

"Jerk."

Having tattoos,

"Gangster."

Now, why am I talking about this?

I just came across someone's facebook profile, and this girl, she has the craziest hair colour ever, and she's like an walking art piece. I've never ever seen someone so daring in my whole life, and it was a 'Wow.'

Well, I went to see the comments on her picture, and sure enough, she's flamed for being an attention seeking whore and so on and so forth.

But then again, I'm not surprised. You're not human if you've never judged someone before.

Let's take a look at people like Naomi Neo and Dee Kosh.

If they were to care about every single judgemental comment that people make at them, they'd probably have died.

And I really do not like to tell people of how I love Justin Bieber, because I'm sick of hearing the 'eeeee' and 'ewwws' they make when I simply mention his name, but I'm gonna do it in this post anyway.

She's gonna talk about Justin Bieber?

Mmhmm. True enough, he's not that hot, some of his songs are not that great, and his new single 'Boyfriend' really sounds like a piece of junk, but hey. He lives for himself, not for others. He doesn't care about what others talk about him, all he does is live his dream.

What I'm trying to put across is, we're all gonna get judged anyway, so why not make the best out of life, do the things that you wanna do, and ignore what others speak of you, when you know yourself best?

On a side note, Empower U starts tomorowwwwwwwwwwwwww.

And I had Seoul Garden with boyfriend yesterday.

Really need to watch my diet now.

AND I'M COMING DOWN WITH A FLU. Worse time ever to get one, I hope that I'll get well soon.

Good luck for UTs everyone!

I'm off to study now!

Monday, June 4, 2012 1:05 PM

More than words.

Good Afternoon earthlingssss. (:

So, one programme is over! It simply feels so great to be back in programmes. There's 4 more to go, and I'm absolutely looking forward to them.

And he makes everything even better. (:

I think it's beautiful of how we met each other at the same programme 2 years back, and right now, we're running this programme together in one team. Something like this doesn't happen often, and I'm just so glad to have him in my life.

Even if I had to wait for another year for you to fall in love with me all over again, I'll gladly wait, because you're all that I've ever asked for.

What really touched me was of how he stayed up till 3AM, just to create a short video clip for me. It almost brought me to tears, but I wanted to stay coooool, so I held it back.

Well, but here it is.

I love you Hans.

Uts are coming up, and I've started my revision! Shall leave house soon to go for programmes.

Look forward to my next post guys! (:

Love,
Natalie Ishot