Thursday, June 28, 2012 11:23 PM
And do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
Good evening beautifuls. (:
It's 10:30PM now, and I'm so sorry to make you go through that frustrated rant that I posted yesterday! Blogging always seem to make me feel better, so I don't hesitate to write out my thoughts whenever I have them. And I just feel so mch better when I go through other people's blogs, because at times, I can relate to how they feel and from there, I know that I am not alone. Soooo, I hope that you guys would benefit from whatever I write too! (:
Anyway, I am currently having severe gastric pains, and I had been camping in the toilet for roughly an hour before this post. Those pains gave me an inspiration to blog, and so, here I am.
Well, gastric does not come naturally. It often occurs when one does not take meals regularly, and of course, I am guilty of that. But that wasn't the main reason of why I had gastric.
I'd like to share with you guys a part of my life today. It might make you a little queasy, so read with caution aye?
I used to be Bulimic.
For those of you that have not came across this term before, it is an emotional disorder in which bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression and self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting.
To put it in english, you wish to become thin, and you either puke your food out, or starve yourself to achieve that goal.
Standing at 1.45metres, I used to be 60kg when I was 12. I was overweight, and I was pretty much unbothered by it.
Well, until someone I really loved critisized and hurt me because of it.
I started feeling miserable, and I would look at the mirror everyday, and point out every one of my flaws. Pretty soon, I was driven by the desire to become thin, but I knew that it was not going to be easy.
I love food. Really. I love super fat stuff like ice cream and cakes, and the problem was,
How the heck am I supposed to enjoy my food without getting fat?
I've read articles on people with Anorexia and Bulimia before, and that was when it struck me. I could simply vomit out whatever I had eaten, and I wouldn't get fat then. As much as those magazines were printed to warn us about such conditions, but at that period of time, they just became a fantastic idea that would definitely work on me. I thought that it was controllable, and I could simply stop it whenever I wanted to.
I was wrong.
I started doing what I wanted to do, vomitting out whatever food that I had consumed. Even simple snacks like potato chips, I'd vomit them out immediately after I consumed them as I felt guilty about eating so much.
It wasn't an easy process. It was never an easy process.
Forcing down two fingers into your throat, you irritate your uvulva, the fleshy extension at the back of the soft palate that hangs above the throat.
You'd puke instantly.
And trust me, the feeling of your food with the stomach acid that comes along with it running up your throat, is probably the most revolting feeling on earth.
Oh and did you know, that in the long-term, bulimia could cause stomach rupture or internal bleeding, which instantly leads to death?
But anyway. This went on for a few months, and I dropped to a 45kg in 2007.
After that, I started to get tired easily, and headaches were frequent. My stomach started hurting terribly, and even after eating a small meal, I still felt like vomitting. It was not within my control. That was when I decided to see a doctor.
I was diagnosed with peptic ulcer.
What's that?
It's when the stomach contains too much acid, and it damages the inner lining of your stomach wall, causing a burning sensation in your chest, or your abdomen.
And seriously, when it hurts, it really hurts.
I woke up after that visit, and with much persuasion from my friends. It took me a lot of time to realise that I live for myself, and that everyone is not perfect.
I had a big price to pay though. Although I no longer suffer from Bulimia, I still suffer from hyperacidity and acid reflux. The pain still comes and go, and it's a constant reminder to never make the same mistake again.
In this society, all that matters to people now is being accepted. Whenever someone critisizes you, you change for them. Even without thinking.
What people do not see is that, it is our imperfections that make us unique. It is our lives that we lead, and we are in full control of it.
Girls these days, they're losing weight to attract the boys they like, while the guys, some of them probably feel the need to gym and gym and gym their asses off to get those attractive abs.
I'm not saying that this is not acceptable, while in fact, it is pretty normal to feel that way.
It's just not alright to take it to the extreme, to a point where you will end up hurting yourself.
Love yourself people.
With that, I'd like to end off this topic, and simply share a little about yesterday. (:
.................
I WORE A BLOUSE TO SCHOOL.
For the first time of my entire life.
No, I am not.
Okay.
And I watched Sadako with my boyfriend.
I.Was.Afraid.
And this is shocking, because I rarely get frightened by horror movies.
Maybe, I've been watching too many english-based horror movies, and this japanese shit caught me off guard.
Whatever it is, I think it's worth watching, there's a lot of shocking scenes and suspense, but do not expect much for the ending as it was pretty disappointing.
Boyfriend's going to USS tomorrow, I hope that he'll enjoy himself there! (:
And that's all for today!
Sleep tight people!
Love,
Natalie Ishot