Sunday, December 9, 2012 10:29 PM
The excuses we make just to give us reasons to frown.
Hi guys.
In case you haven't known, this is my dog.
She looks like a pig, but she's
actually a Chihuahua.
I'm not very sure actually. She kinda looks like a cat too. Or a bat.
Whatever she is, she's currently dominating my bottom shelving and I can't seem to bring her away from there.
Every time I try to carry her away, she gives that
But today's topic is not about my dog, or her pouty pouty face.
It's about how to handle
quarrels.
You? You are going to teach me on how to handle quarrels when you've problems on your own? Don't kid me.
I'm not kidding you.
All of us have problems of our own, but it's only a matter of whether we want to handle it well or not. These advices that I'm gonna give are not only for you guys, but for myself too.
It's like a mini
reminder for me to make the best of whatever I've got.
Soooo, Leggo!
Handling Quarrels 101
Ever felt like a
time bomb, just sitting there silently, waiting to explode, and blow up that person you're so angry with to tiny little bite-sized bits?
Yea.
Me too.
But you see, no matter how irritating or frustrating they can be, or no matter how loud and tough they might look like, always remember, that they are human too.
Hey. They have feelings.
They're probably as sick and tired of this argument
like you are now.
So,
Step 1
Take a step back and calm down.
No. That doesn't mean that you've lost the fight, or that you're a coward. It simply means that you're giving everyone time to think and organize your thoughts.
A simple
'Hey, I'm not sure if this argument is going to get us anywhere, so let's just take time to
cool off and think, then we'll talk about this again when we feel better, okay?'
Would be
so sufficient.
Did you really think that the person with the loudest voice would win the argument?
Heated arguments and solutions
never mix.
With time to
cool down, both parties would be able to talk rationally and seek out the best solution.
Also, this would be hard to admit, but at times when we're
angry, we don't realize that we've made mistakes. With time to think through, we'd be able to see if we've made any.
And if you did,
Well.
Step 2
Apologize.
That's when ego and pride comes into place.
Most of us find it hard to say sorry. But have we ever asked ourselves,
'Why should it be
so hard in the first place?'
Apologizing simply shows that you're matured and brave enough to admit that you're in the wrong, and that you're willing to step up to it. From there on, trust me. The argument vanishes, and what lays there would be so much better than that continuous
bickering. But of course, apologizing also means that you'd be willing to do something to make up for it.
Apologizing and ending the dreaded argument, or continuing to squabble for the sake of trying to turn your wrongs into rights?
Weigh your options.
Then comes the question.
'But what if the other party really is in the wrong? Am I supposed to say sorry just to stop this mess too?'
Nope honey, you're not even close.
Don't
EVER,
EVER, apologize for something that you've
never done wrong.
Fuck that 'I'd say that I am sorry because you are more important' shit you've ever read, because they are ridiculous.
Doing that creates this delusion for the other party that what they're doing is right, and trust me, the problem that you're facing would just resurface every now and then.
If the other party really is in the wrong, and they're still sulking and raging,
Then refer back to
Step 1.
In the next proper talk, then comes your opportunity to highlight the problem.
But first,
always start with apologizing for being rude or hurting their feelings, and telling them that you never meant to start a fight. It gives a
neutral start for telling them of what you think went wrong.
In an argument,
both parties are always wrong.
And so it take two hands to clap for coming to a solution.
That's all for today.
Heads up,
Whenever my boyfriend and I quarrel and we need to
cool down, either one of us would still tell the other
I love yous.
'Baby, I don't think this is getting anywhere, can we
cool down first?
I love you.'
'No matter what, or no matter how pissed off I am,
I still love you, alright? I'll never let go of you.'
Step 3
Don't be afraid of telling the other party of how you really feel inside, beneath your many layers of anger and frustration.
Being genuine is the key.
Let's just say, that we got this advice from a very special and married friend of ours.
Goodnight world. (:
Love,
Natalie Ishot
